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Definitions in Construction

 Sep, 06 - 2013   Jokes
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TENDER SUBMISSION:
A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
TENDER SUM:
A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
SUCCESSFUL TENDERER:
A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
ARCHITECT:
A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less
and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about
everything.
CONSULTING ENGINEER:
A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more
and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about
nothing.
QUANTITY SURVEYORS:
People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
LAWYERS:
People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the bodies.
COST PLAN ESTIMATE:
The cost of construction in heaven.
MANAGEMENT CONTRACT:
The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
COMPLETION DATE:
The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES:
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
SUB-CONTRACTOR:
A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
CONTRACTOR:
A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing
nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting Engineers.
ENGINEER:
They save lives – fortunately they weren’t smart enough to go on and
become Doctors.



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